nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
