i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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