I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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