i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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