Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
