My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
