I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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