I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
