the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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