I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
