I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
