just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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