Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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