He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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