I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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