home. puking in laundry basket.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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