even my farts smell like vagina
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
