This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
