we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
