if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
