you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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