My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I smell like Dick and happiness
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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