Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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