Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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