I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
