jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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