jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
