I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
