She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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