I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
