My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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