that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
