Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
