I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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