he shaved USA in his pubs
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
