with your own penis?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Houston, we have a blender
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
