Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
