Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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