Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
