i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
