Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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