the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
