Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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