Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
