I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
