My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize