I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
