So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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