Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
