so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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