Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
