He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
