My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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