I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
