you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize