It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
