theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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