Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We got so high we made milksteak
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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