summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
