i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
