Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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