his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize