I love black thongs
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
