Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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