the condom got lost in my hair
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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