i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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