Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
