3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
