Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
