do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
