remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
