he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
