I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Randomize