Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
