i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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