One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
