There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
