what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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