Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
