Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
