Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
false alarm, still single
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