My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
