Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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