Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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