I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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