I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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