I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize