when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
