I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
