i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
