You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
