with your own penis?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
