So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
