somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize