I will die if light touches me.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
