too bad you live with your parents still
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
