Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
