what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
