You're so nebulous sometimes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
