i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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