i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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