Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
