Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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