I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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