I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
