she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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