4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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