trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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